HEY MORGAN! PUT YOUR DICK DOWN AND HAVE ANOTHER DOUBLE CHEESEBURGER!

OMG, this is priceless! Commie stooge with a camera Morgan Spurlock confesses to being a serial sexual predator before the skeletons in his closet even get a chance to look up Gloria Allred's phone number!

Will his bold preemptive strike save what he thinks of as his career? Stay tuned kiddies!

From Washington's other other newspaper:

Morgan Spurlock steps down from his production company...

If SNL had any balls (or they weren't commies too) Spurlick's blog post would make a classic skit.


“Super Size Me” director Morgan Spurlock has stepped down from Warrior Poets, the New York-based production company he founded in 2004. The announcement came on Thursday, a day after he shared a confessional blog post admitting to his long history of sexual harassment.

Harassment? Says you. He sounds like a rapist to me. Or as the late Huge Hefner might call him, a "playboy".

“On behalf of Warrior Poets, (Hee-hee! "His gun's a pen.") we as partners have always supported our company and its endeavors. As of today, Morgan Spurlock will be stepping down effective immediately,” a spokeswoman for the company told The Washington Post in a statement on Thursday. No further explanation was offered.

Spurlock, who wrote that he “built a career on finding the truth,” (Oh, Margaret!) shared the detailed account of his misconduct stretching back to his college days in a post that he tweeted on Wednesday night with the note, “I am Part of the Problem.”

The message came just months after he sold his documentary “Super Size Me 2: Holy Chicken!” to YouTube Red for $3.5 million, according to Deadline. Spurlock also has a forthcoming docu-series titled “Cultureshock” on A&E, set to premiere in 2018.

“As I sit around watching hero after hero, (Who, asshole? Franken? Conyers? Clinton? Roy Moore? What a fuckhead.) man after man, (Ha! Your definition of "man" leaves quite a bit to be desired.) fall at the realization of their past indiscretions, I don’t sit by and wonder ‘who will be next?’ ” he began. “I wonder, ‘when will they come for me?’ ”

He heard the fascist left's Black Mariah driving down his street and confessed like a Menshevik at a Stalinist show trial.

In the blog post, he chronicled his multiple infidelities, verbal sexual harassment in the workplace, battle with depression and decades-long struggle with alcohol abuse.

Booze and sadness makes him hurt girls. I see a future in Country music ahead.

“I can’t blindly act as though I didn’t somehow play a part in this,” Spurlock wrote about the sexual harassment epidemic in Hollywood. “Over my life, there have been many instances that parallel what we see every day in the news.”

To support this statement, he offered several examples of his sexual misconduct throughout the post, always punctuating the harrowing stories with a variation on the phrase “I am part of the problem.”

The first instance he divulged took place in college, when he had a one-night sexual encounter with a girl that he thought was consensual but she later referred to as “rape.”

After a night of drinking, the two went back to his room and “began fooling around,” but she pushed him off her. Still clothed, the two laid in bed for a while laughing and joking. Before long they were “fooling around” again, though this time they took off their clothes.

The girl, whom Spurlock didn’t name, said she didn’t want to have sex, but they eventually did anyway. During intercourse, the girl began crying. The two stopped having sex, and Spurlock tried comforting her.

“I thought I was doing ok, I believed she was feeling better. She believed she was raped,” Spurlock wrote, adding, “That’s why I’m part of the problem.”

Actually Morgan, your giant penis was too much for her. It isn't your fault.

Spurlock next recounted the behavior that led to him settling a sexual harassment allegation with a former female assistant.

He would often yell at her from across the office, using diminutive nicknames like “hot pants” and “sex pants,” which he thought were funny but later realized had “completely demeaned and belittled her to a place of non-existence.”

When his assistant quit, she told Spurlock that he had to pay her to remain silent about his consistent verbal sexual harassment, the director wrote.

“I paid for peace of mind. I paid for her silence and cooperation. Most of all, I paid so I could remain who I was,” Spurlock wrote.

A rich, lying, fascist douche-bag. Congrats. You'll always be that.

Spurlock then wrote that he has “been unfaithful to every wife and girlfriend” he’s ever had, adding that his hatred of this behavior “didn’t make me stop.”

That's how playboys find new girlfriends, right? Hello? Hasn't anybody heard of the Fuck-U-All Revolution? You know, girls want it just like guys so it's ok to fuck 'em like blow-up dolls and then throw them away. Anybody?

Musing on what spurred this pattern of infidelity, Spurlock wrote that he was sexually abused “as a boy and as a young man in my teens.” He told only his first wife about the abuse, “for fear of being seen as weak or less than a man.” He also wrote that he suffered from depression and has used alcohol to cope with the mental illness since he was 13 years old and that he hasn’t been “sober for more than a week in 30 years.”

Oh. Drunk, sad, abused, AND crazy. That and the fact he supports Planned Babykilling makes everything good.

Calling himself “someone who consistently hurts those closest to me,” he wrote that “I have helped create a world of disrespect through my own actions.”

He concluded the post by promising to “do better,” to “be better.” To begin, he wrote, “I’m going to be more honest with you and myself.”

Do the world a favor. SHUT UP, GO HOME, AND JERK OFF INTO YOUR PILES OF ILL-GOTTEN MONEY, YOU PRICK. 

The post received mixed reactions, because, as Andrea Mandell wrote in USA Today, “His motive remains unclear: Is Spurlock purely trying to take responsibility for his actions? Get ahead of new allegations? Preserve his reputation as a documentarian? Reassure investors, like those at CBS and A&E?”

One Twitter user said it is “brave to come forward.” Another thanked him for his “honestly and bravery.”

Many didn’t feel like he deserved any praise, however.

“Morgan Spurlock is not brave, he’s trying to get ahead of the story and give you a reason so when you hear about how garbage he is, you think of the reason,” comedian Peter Coffin wrote on Twitter.
One user called him “opportunistic.” Another said that despite his post, “he’s still bad and I want him to go away.”


TheChurchMilitant: Sometimes anti-social, but always anti-fascist since 2005.